P: Hello Dan and Phil Games intense skids D: Aloha. *various car noises* P: That’s the noise you make when I see you walking down the street. D: They swerve because they’re so scared of you D: You’re so tall P: Hello D: Can I just take a moment to say: on this switch, which is Phil’s one, D: What the hELL is your profile picture P: That’s my profile! D: That is the biggest, scariest thing ever P: Look, online, I want to intimidate people if i’m gonna race against them P: So that’s my face D: Your eyebrows…are so accurate P: I know! D: Thats an accurate mii, Phil P: I spent hours crafting my mii
D: Well done! P: Welcome back to: *Mario voice* Mariokart 8!! D: Now, we’ve made a couple videos, joking around, Dan vs Phil, doing the battle mode, D: but we’ve telling people, “oh I promise we’re like actually good” D: and they’re just like, alright then, prove it! D&P: Prove it! D: So we thought, well, if the people wanna see this, D: maybe, we can give them what they want, D: and go online in MarioKart P: Let’s do it! D: Show you what we’re made of P: Although I warn you, Dan get’s pretty rageful when playing MarioKart online D: I do actually, get very angry P: I can’t actually say some of the words you were saying when you were playing it this morning P: You look like you want to ruin people’s lives D: That’s like, I’m a massive dick on Mario Kart when I win D: I’m like, “haha I’m the best” D: so, I want a mii that infuriates people P: It needs curly hair though, it’s very inaccurate D: But I need to change the pose to the one tha- there you go P: There you go *laughs* D: Yes, and then facial expression D: Winking P: Oh my gosh D: Boom P: That’s inappropriate D: Tha- that’s the Dan user right there P: People are gonna leave when they’re playing against you online D: So, I’ve decided that Inkling Girl is like my favourite character, P: Yeah D: Just because she’s so sassy and alternative looking D: But, as you might have seen, D: Nintendo did a patch to the game removing an insult that she did – P: they got rid of her thing! D: because when she run, or hit someone with a thing, she went like this: P: Oof D: and in Europe, P: That would insult me D: That means up yours D: Uhm so, P: That’s not very Nintendo *laughs* D: Apparently saying, “I hit you with a shell, stick it up your ass, Luigi, you dick” D: is not very Nintendo D: so that’s, that’s been patched P: But it is very Dan D: That is so Dan P: *laughs* D: I love putting shells up my ass 😉 P: I think we should include the whole world D: I like that that Toad is not tethered to a space ship P: *laughs* D: It’s just like, D: *high pitched voice* “I’M FLOATING ENDLESSLY THROUGH SPAAACE” P: It’s Sandra Bullock D: “pLEASE SAV- D: Stop making Gravity references! P: It is the best film about space D: You’re gonna make another spa- P: Except for Interstellar… and Star Wars P: and lots of other space films D: So as you’ll see here, the rating is 1000 D: that’s because we’re playing on Phil’s Switch right now P: I’ve just been playing on Dan’s all the time D: Which means, that we won’t be able to use our cool, amazing cars that we have (P: noooo) D: or our amiibos D: So, you know, usually I like to look fabulous in a Kirby suit, but not this time P: I do relate to Tanooki Mario on an internal level P: but, (D&P: *laughs*) P: I’m gonna go, not that I’m saying that I’m a furry P: I’m just gonna go with D: I-I-I didn’t say that, Phil P: *laughs* D: I didn’t say that P: I’m gonna go with my mii, because it’s tradish D: I’m gonna go with Inkling Girl P: Okay, car selection (D: alright) D: Now, I, all I care about is having a strong theme (P: ooh, submarine) D: So some people might be like, “Okay, so we need this car, we need that speci-” (P: Yeah) “and then this is the OPTIMIZED stats” P: I like to sit in a giant shoe, I think that’s a good look D: You’re trolling yourself, Phil (P: yeah *laughs*) D: We’re supposed to be showing off D: In which case you should be (P: Alright, Circuit Special) D: Basically, little nerd facts (P: mONSTER WHEELS) D: cause this is the video, speed is really all that matters (P: yeah) D: The key to winning Mario Kart is to be in the front D: so that you’re not in the item clusterfuck in the middle (P: Yes) P: that’s the thing! D: And when you’re at the front and not getting hit by items, D: speed is all that matters D: So if you’re someone that struggles in the middle D: maybe need acceleration to D: get you back to the front (P: yeah) D: But, if you’re Dan and Phil, P: Do you think you can accessorize with the glider though, P: all bets are off D: I bet maybe P: you can have… a normal one P: parasol, a plane! I like the plane D: Does that go with your theme, though? P: Yes it does! I’m getting in the plane D: Okay, there we go D: I’m not going for speed D: because I need to use the Splat Buggy with Inkling Girl D: so we’ll see if that bites me in the back (P: That’s the thing) P: Oh, here’s who we’re going to be fighting against D: *sings really high* Somebody that I used to know P: Beth D: I mean, we’re saying that it’s nice, inclusive global community D: the next round, there’s gonna be a mii that looks like Hitler (P: yeah) D: it always happens D&P: it always happens P: This guy’s got red eyes in the corner, I don’t trust that at all D: That guy has been smoking some kush P: Or he’s a ghoul D: I’m excited! Okay, Animal Crossing… P: Cloudtop Cruise! D: This is Phil’s favorite course P: This is my favorite course! P: I love Cloudtop Cruise! P: You know I think I like lightning more than the average human (D: wat) P: Yeah, I get really excited in thunderstorms D: The weather phenomenon of lightning P: There was one in Florida P: and I was… wasn’t I like, so excited D: Phil was like *gasp* OHH MY GOD (P: *laughs*) D: It’s like if a dog is like, that excited D: in a, the world is ending kinda way D: Phil has similar energy levels (P: Yeah) P: I was so hyped. Anyway, P: Cloudtop Cruise has lightning, which is why I was talking about lightning P: if you were wondering D: It’s gonna be Animal Crossing P: come on, Phil’s choice! D: don’t be Animal Crossing P: Phil’s choice! Phil’s choice! Please D: Wait.. *sings* dut, dut, dut, dut dut dut D&P: Animal Crossing P: right, place your bets on which season it’ll be D: Autumn P: Winter D: What was it when we did the gaming channel P: Look how sad reindeer is! D: Aw, reindeer! P: I wanna give you a hug! P: All of the other reindeers D: It’s because he has a thousand points P: and all of the other reindeers used to laugh and call him names P: cuz they never played Mario Kart with him P: and then he drove off the edge D: That’s how it goes- waIT WAIT WAIT D&P: Autumn! D: Boom. D: that means I’m gonna win D: Now well you know, our nemesis, he LEFT D: because he obviously knew that there was just no chance (P: Yeah) P: Okay. Get ready for Phil! D: you hold- P: WHAT?! D: “get ready for Phil” P: I was pressing it at the right time! D: *patronizing* No phil, AFTER two P: Your mum’s two D: Okay so in this Mario Kart as you know D: From our last video you can get TWO ITEMS D: AND I JUST FUCKED UP (P: YES) I did not picking up the box P: YES D: A COIN?? How could I defend myself with a coin?? P: I missed the box as well. D: This is a farce, Phil why are you in 6th? P: I missed the box. D: You’re letting the team down, omg I’m not paying attention P: I’m being attacked by everything! D: More banting less driving D: Okay P: I’m being attacked by everything this is not fair D: *triggered* P: Come back to life. D: PHIL D: I just got assaulted. P: *sings* Bring me to life. D: I have never been this disrespected my entire life. P: DAN. P: Right. D: Ohh yeah. P: Time to chomp on that. D: Ok, defensive Banani D: Here we go. Tight around the corners. P: Dan can you feel my breath on your back now? D: Uhh I, I can’t. P: I’m coming for you with a giant mouth. D: And I really don’t want that to be the feature that they add. D: Yes, yes, okay wait for the bomb backwards. P: No. D: It’s like battle mode – Absolutely savage. P: *sighs* D: Did you see that? P: I saw that, that was very good.D: They call me the bomb surgeon. D:They don’t actually, I wish they did, that would be really cool. D:How many races are we gonna do? P: I dunno. D: We said we were gonna do best of three. P: I think best of three. D: But what does that mean? This isn’t a Dan vs. Phil. P: No, we’re just playing. D: Best of three against all the plebs on the internet. P: Yeah, we’re just gonna try and do our best. D: ok. *laughs* P: Like a cub scout. Right, here we go, here we go. D: Phil. P: I’m in fifth. D: I mean, I can clearly provide the banter and still win P: Shush! D: I dunno about you. P: I’m getting there! D: So if you wanna just be silent and concentrate on driving in a straight line – P: No! I’m doing it. D: I will accept that. P: Ah mole! D: Oh Phil! Phil use your boosts! P: I can do it, come on! D: Use your boosts! Come on, Ahhh. P: Four – I mean D: Fourth is reasonable. P: Not that bad. P: I could’ve been better, could’ve been better. D: Phil could’ve done better. D: Phil has a problem, which is that when he gets mushroom boosts, he freaks out. P: I just freak out! D: And usually drives off the edge or into a wall. P: But it’s is the best way, you should just use them all at once. D: *Imitating Phil freaking out* AHHHHH, PANIC ! D: Who’s your nemesis? Elros? P: Nin! I keep having– D: And Nin. P: Little interactions with Nin and they are never good. D:*Being protective af* Why don’t you Ninten-GO AWAY? P: Ohhh I’m banting on your behalf. P: Yeah? D: I’m sticking up for you P: Don’t be such a Nin-y D: Kind of- alright. P: Cloudtop Cruise! D: Cloudtop cruise D: This is when I show what a good sportsman I am D: By spamming – Hooray! P: That’s not, that’s like you’re showing off! D&P: Hooray, hooray, hooray!!! D: Good game~ P: Stop it! I’m not gonna play with this again. D: Now you see why my arrogant looking mii is appropriate. P: Yeah, oh we got a new, new pla- oh there’s twins! D: OH MY GOD THEY’RE TERRIFYING
P: What’s happening?? P: Why they wearing the same outfit? P: If someone chooses baby park I’ll be sad D: Baby park, that one there. P: It’s the worst track. D: It’s just a circle. D: It’s the worst track in the game. P: Please no baby park. *anticipation* D: You got trolled so hard there. P: Aww I wanna play my favourite one. D: Not for you, Donut plainy ding dong it is D: Okay Phil, after the two, after the two. P: After the two. D: Ok? P: Ok. D: Three, two, hold! P: I’m holding it! D: yeahhh P: That was rubbish, that was so weak. D: Elros, you are disrespecting me – P: I’m in seventh. D: V hard right now. P: I didn’t get any – Oh I got an item, it’s ok. D: *cute laughters* *Intense driving* P: Ahhh! D: ok here we go I’ve hit Elros. P: I’ve already been attacked! D: I’ve got one behind me. D: Good start for Danny P:*sings* They’ll be coming around the corner when he comes D: How was he back in front of me already? P: Yes. Dan! P: Oh that wasn’t you, I thought I just overtook you and it wasn’t you. D: I, I, I need to be reporting people right now. The hacking, this is unfair. D:Slidy grass! aghh, hop off the mole, the mole fucked me up Phil!! D: Don’t trust the mole dirt! P: Never trust the mole. D: Did he just try and throw an item at me? I saw that. D: Itch your face, don’t let go of the controller. P: *laughs* Itching your face with an controller? D: The art of itching your face without dying horribly P: DIE Alros!! yess D: Is one of the most impressive things human can learn. P: YES, taste that. D: I’m so scared. D: People behind me, they are attacking me, Phil. P: It’s me that’s behind you. D: Oh my god. P: Watch out DANNY. D: Phil, no attack pact! No attack! P: PHILLY’s in the thunder zone! D: No attack pact *laughs* D: Although, Phil? P: Yeah, what? D: Serious piece of advice. P: Yeah? D: If you’ve only got one shell, save it – P: *high pitch screams* AHHH! D: for yourself, don’t hit me with it. P: I’m protecting my butt. D: Exactly. Protect your butt. P: You are trying to sneak me out. D: noo, because – D: I, no no no. P: You’re the snek, you’re the snekiest snek! D: *Internally screams* D: You have to wait for me to get annihilated – P: noo D: by the blue shell. D: And that’s your chance. P: I’m coming for you Dan, I’m coming for you to eat your children, and here it begins now. D: According to the mini map, there is a black Yoshi called Nin. D: And he is riding your butt. P: No he’s not. D: And you need to be scared P: He doesn’t even know who I really am! D: Oh my god did you just – P: What, a ghost?? I thought I used it in the ghost game!! D: How dare you, hit me with a red shell. D: Is this the end of this gaming channel? P: Oh my god. D: I think it is. P: I was doing pretty well then. D: That’s it, friendship with Phil over. P: *screams* Ahhh. D: Only friend with Nin now P: Dan and Nin games D: *laughs* P: Come on I can bring this back D:ohhhh, oh my god, Nin’s coming for me now. D: Phil! P: Nin is awful. D: I need you to be in second to protect me! P: I’m coming back. D: Are you? P: Yes, I’m on the way back *laughs* D: Phil, Phil – D: What is happening ding ding P: Ohhh, what a shameful round! D: You’re letting the team down Phil. P: I know! D: The British empire is crumbling. P: I’m letting myself down, I’m letting my family down – P: I’m letting Yoshi down. D: You’re letting ME down!! P: Ughhh D:ok, new group of people. P: ohh, they are all from Japan! D: And someone’s got two thou- okay, D: This is getting serious. P: If they are from Japan that means they are good. D: But are they Dan and Phil good? P: You’ve got an eyelash hanging off your eyelash D:PROTECT ME, PROTECT ME, don’t let it go into my eyeball- Thanks. P: Make a wish D: *sings*That’s what friends are for – Pufft- D: *Robot voice* I wish that I will destroy all Japanese people. P: Don’t say that. D: At Mario Kart! P: *laughs* I was like what D: *soft voice* Hello Japanese people, I’m a little nervous, okay? D: I’m using tilt controls. They need to go easy on me P: They are not gonna believe you! D:They need to go for it. Is the mii next to me cute or scary? D: i feel like it’s- P: A bit of both, a bit of both D: Oooh! P: Jungle! D: You like this one! P: I love jungle, this is my second favorite one D: Your second favorite one P: I know the secrets on this one. D: Dan and Phil versus the Japanese, this is it. P: *sings in the background* D: You have to bring out.. P: And Switzerland. D: and one person D: And Sam from the UK D: What up Sam? P: Alright. D: Better be subscribed to the channel. Okay. P: You better all be. D: I’m starting first, this is an incredible advantage. P: Alright. D: I bet they are all salty. P: I’m gonna UNLEASH MY PAIN! D: That’s a very weird thing to start this with. D: ok I’m gonna try so hard. D: I’m not even gonna talk, zero percent bant. P: You’re talking a lot to say you’re not gonna talk. D: Okay. *laughs* P: Taste my wheels! P: Alright, this is it. D: You s- everything you say always resolves around tasting, Phil. P: It does. P: Ahhh! D: If you’ve got some, like, weird issue that you need to tell us about… P: I like eating. D: Firing backwards and then get the two. D: The only time you fire something. P: This is gonna be better. D: Skid over the grass! P: Right. D: And then up that – you see that? P: omg. That is the short cut if you wanna do this. P: You shouldn’t be watching Dan’s side, you should be watching my side. P: I’m about to do something INSANE! D: What’s happening on your side? P: Look at this. And I’m gonna slap DANNY in the back. D: Yours is a lot more stylish than mine. P: Yeah, exactly! P: You should be watching my side. D: Ughh blue shell. D: ok, ok, I’m gonna get rid of these two items and hope I get an airhorn D: Which is the only thing that can break – No D: No I’m dead. I can’t protect – D: I have no items! P: Yes, yes. D: This is terrible! P: Hahaha D: Okay, this is the fear start to set in for me. P: ok watch my side, I’m about to attempt to go across this bridge. P: Yass! D: Phil and- P: oh no! *laughs* D: Okay, you know when I said Phil plus mushrooms equals doom. P: I tried. P: I tried. D: That is the perfect example of that, ok? P: I’ll bring it back. D: Whenever Phil gets three mushrooms.. P: Yes, yes.. D: He freaks out D: Hop up for gri- please give me that, please ahh!! P: Blue shell blue shell blue shell D: Is a blue shell coming? P: Yes! D: Okay, something you can do. P: And I’m in second. D: Is to sabotage yourself, by falling off like that. D: See how I just protected – oh my god D: That was the worst possible timing! D: If that’s a second earlier, you can avoid it. D: Oh my god. P: Am I close to him? D: You’re getting too close. P: Yes! D: Phil’s in second. P: I can sniff the back of your exhaust pipe D: You can sniff my ink P: Alright. D: I’m sorry Phil D: DANNY is just too good at mario kart. D: You can never catch up. P: I think you better watch out. D: There is nothing anyone can do P: You’d better not cry! D: Oh I see they gave Phil a fucking air horn. P: Ahhhhh! It hit me! It hit me as well D: Another, another blue shell. D: This is absolute – I would like to file an official complaint- D: with Nintendo, I’m being discrimated against. P: *laughs* P: Ahh oh I was doing so well, this isn’t fair! D:They took away inkling girl’s insult. P: This isn’t fair, this is abuse! D: Phil, mario kart isn’t fair. D: Either you’re in first, or you are in the item cluster fluff D: Phil, they are Japanese. P: You better not shout, you better not cry – P: You better run away cause Phil is here. P: Using all the items at once. D: I feel like you’ re committing a cardinal sin by making all of these Christmas songs. P: Shush.D: I’m just gonna flag that. GEEEEESE! P: I’ve got it, I’ve got it D: I saved it. P: Geese *laughs* D: GEEESE! P: Geese. D: It’s my panic noise D: Don’t mock me. P: Ok I can still do it! D: Go Phil, BULLET BULLET BULLET! P: Come on, kill them. D: Come on, disrespect those people. P: Please. D: Phil are you gonna get any of them, are you gonna – P: Pleaaassseeeee. D: Ohhhh 5th P: I was so average. D: It was a solid effort. P: Ugh. D: A for effort Phil. P: If, if my racing was a noise it would be “ugh” D: *laughs* Okay final round. P: Final round. D: And I think we need to choose rainbow road P: Are you kidding, I’m terrible at rainbow road D: yep D: okay, I won. so this is naturally – P: You’re hooraying again D: I need, I need to spam hooray. D: I need to say that it was fun, a good game. D: One more time, that’s important. P: *laughs* P: What are you doing with your body then? That was really weird. D&P: Here we go. P: Electric road. D: Are you ready for this? P: Yes. D: I’ve been disrespected by two people being put in front of me D: I don’t know what this is about, I’m filing an official complaint. P: I’m about to throw you all into the abyss P: Here we go. D: Drive in straight lines towards the next corner. D: *sings* DANNY’s top tips. P: oh, I’m coming around, I’m coming around! D: DANNY’s top tips. P: I’m in first! D: Hug the corners. P: Get away from me Dan! D: Noooooo D: Ok ohh I got an pink boost, did you see that D: Ohh that was so arousing. P: I’m gonna kill you P: YES! Hahahaha D: *assulted* REALLY? P: That was incredible D: Rea- How could you do me like this? P: I just did it. P: And now bomb D:*screams* OH MY GOD! P: Again! yes! P: Take that Dan! D: Phil nooo P: There we go Philly’s back in town and everyone’s scared. D: This is such an bomb- D: Why did I just throw a bomb forward? D: I’m cursed. P: How many second, how many second. D: I’m gonna come back Phil, do not mock me. P: Right, I’m gonna get cannon, I’m gonna fire her out of the cannon! D: I don’t think you can do that in Mario Kart, Phil P: I can and I will! D: That sounds very violent and possibly illegal. D:I’m so scared by everything P: Not the ink, not the ink, I can’t see anything. D:I have so much terrifying primordial fear right now. P: I’m blind! D: I’m in the item cluster fluff zone. D: I need to get out. P: *Laughs* D: Three red shells, ok I – omg one of them just blew up D:Another one just blew up on the wall. P: What, what’s happening. D: I’ve never been this attacked in my entire life. D: Oh Phil, Hi how are you. P: Yes, yes…No no nononono D: It seems like you are about to be hit by something! P: Ahhhh! D: Oh no! P: I’m almost at cannon! D: Oh and then you threw on forward again? D: It seems like DANIEL has slipped into FIRST PLACE! P: Stop it! P: You are evil! P: I can’t believe this. D: ok, ohh Phil, another bomb? P: Another bomb. D: Stop giving Phil bombs, are you trying to – AHHHH! P: Missed it, missed it. Alright, nearly got him. D: Fire backwards. D: Did I hit you? P: No. D: Was that your bomb ahead?! P: It might have been. D: Stop trying to freaking attack me! P: Right, this is it, this is it. D:Ohh nononono. P: DANNY’s dead, DANNY’s dead, come on! D: nonono *burst into laughters* P: Yes, yes, yes, yes!! D: no, no, no! Comoncomoncmoncomon…. *both screams* P: YESSS!!! D: Well done Phil D&P: *claps* D:ok.. I gave that to you, well done. [look how happy & cute phil is bye im deceased] D: A Dan and Phil one two. P: Yeah! D: Now I’m just gonna say to all the people D: If we had our no hitting each other pact. D: That wouldn’t be nearly as stressful! P: *laughs* P: But it was fun! It was fun. D: *freaking out as usual* D: And there we go – P: I think that’s a good, good time to end it. D: That’s actually a good positive note to end this video on. P: Yeah, the hardest track and Phil wins *smiles* D: I, I wouldn’t say electrodrome is the hardest track. P: Everybody knows. D: I’d say, I’d say it’s one of the easy ones D: But that’s good! P: Yeah!! P: Hope that was everything you wanted (It was.) D: Everything you dreamed of: Dan and Phil, try harding on the internet. P: We could actually try and race against you guys in a future video. D: In a tournament. P: Yes, so if you want us to do that, give us a thumbs up. D: Let us know how you feel. P: Race against subscribers – That could be dangerous. D: That’s, that’s gonna be some drama, right there. D: We’ll see you next time! D: You can click subscribe. P: Subscribe! D:To see that video. D: You can watch over there to see another one D&P: You can go to our channels, and yeah. D: Make pact with your friends, not to hurt each other. P: Throw turtles…at people. D: Up the bum, bye. P: Bye!

Danny Hutson

100 thoughts on “WATCH US WRECK SOME LOSERS ONLINE – Mario Kart 8 Deluxe

  1. If I woke up to Phil's Mii staring at me in the face, I would actually die. That's literally one of my nightmares in Phil form!lmao O_O

  2. Ahhhhhh the eyelash wishes….if only that shit actually worked……Actually, on second thought, maybe it's best they don't! The world would actually be destroyed by now with all the stupid shit people could wish for with a single eyelash!….ok im done lol!!!!! XD

  3. Fun fact: My cousin and I were the creepy twins…
    I'm serious, they were twins because I was visiting her and we were playing on one account, so they looked the same.
    I played Mariokart 8 Deluxe with DAN AND PHIL WITHOUT KNOWING
    This was forever ago, but at the time I just thought it was a coincidence. I just thought one guy was named Dan and anouther was named Phil and it was just a coincidence.

  4. My nickname with my friends is Nins, but I’ve never played Mario kart, my family doesn’t let me play games heh

  5. Dan: we can’t do all this stuff cuz we’re on Phil’s switch
    Phil: I have so little points cuz I always play on dans switch
    Me: why didn’t you just play this on dans switch????

  6. Their controllers perfectly represent their personalities, Phil has the bright blue and red controller then Dan has the grey and bleak one.

  7. i'm sorry dan and phil but i was re-watching this and thomas uploaded his new video and i clicked off, i'm sorry sob

  8. Dan: stop making gravity references
    Me: has literally no idea what the movie is except that my friends dad wrote the music for it

  9. 8:48 “ I’m going to eat your children ,dan”

    Phil? You know that dan’s children are your children right

  10. "I wish that I will destory all japanese people"

    -Daniel James Howell,2017

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