Hey, welcome to the channel “We
Are Sorted,” a group of friends in London looking
for amazing things and food that make you go, wow. And almost constantly
ribbing each other. Now, two of us are chefs. And you wouldn’t believe the
stuff we have to put up with. But everything we do
starts with ideas from you. [MUSIC – JADED, “PANCAKE”] Hi, everyone. I’m Mike. This is Jamie. Now, apparently, in this
battle, Barry is there. But I don’t remember
seeing him anywhere. Welcome to another
Ultimate Battle, one of our most requested recipe
themes ever, Harry Potter. The boys will go
head to head to head to come up with
something fictional that tastes delicious and is the
ideal tribute to the books. All aboard the
Express is leaving. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Right. Well, we don’t
have a Sorting Hat. So we’re going to
have to play one of these online quizzes,
which I’m sure is just as accurate as the Sorting Hat. Which instrument do
you find most pleasant? Trumpet. Nobody finds that pleasurable. I’m a Hufflepuff. I am everybody– Slytherin. Slytherin. Knew it. Do you just go again? Yeah. It’s a laptop, Ben. This is the mouse part. Yeah. Yeah. Where the go again button? I am a Ravenclaw. Ravenclaw? I am Slytherin. Slytherin as well. I’m Slytherin. That’s a surprise result. You’re a Ravenclaw, as well. Am I the only nice person? My Harry Potter
battle-winning recipe is a treacle tart, because
that’s Harry Potter’s favorite thing in the world. How do I know that? Because I’ve read all the books
and watched all the films. And it starts by making a
pastry from a tart case. I’m making something
proper magical for my dish. It is a Hungarian Horntail
goulash, from Goblet of Fire. You know what Goblet
of Fire is, Barry? My knowledge of Harry
Potter is somewhat limited. I have not read the books. I’ve watched, like, half a film. I couldn’t make it
through the whole film. Turns out Harry
Potter likes wands. You’re making a chocolate
wand because of Harry Potter? Yeah. I can’t work out where
this recipe starts, because I haven’t got a recipe. Who– that was you. That was so plainly you. I need to start mine
with a biscuity base. So I’ve got– I know. I’m going to combine my eggs,
my milk, and my almond extract together. And then, I’ll mix that
in with my sugared butter. First up, I’ve got to make
the sauce for my goulash. I’m steeping some
porcini mushrooms in some boiling water. I’m going to peel and slice
an onion and a pepper. Get that cooking in some lard. So there was something about
getting that creamed together and then adding a bit
of flour in at a time. I’ve rubbed butter into flour
to a bread crumb consistency. And now, I’m putting in sugar
and some lemon zest and an egg. I brought my pastry together. That needs to go into
a fridge to chill. Ben, look at that. This now gets rolled out to
about a centimeter thickness. And I’m going to line
my tart case with it. So Mike’s doing treacle tart. No place to hide. The pastry has got to be
crisp and golden and perfect. It’s got that little
hit of lemon in there. And the treacle filling, if
it’s too sweet, that’s fine. That’s what a treacle tart is. But if it hasn’t got the scent
of a woody broomstick handle, then it’s not doing the
task for Harry Potter. Jamie’s contribution is clever. He’s built in loads of elements
from the fictional book. But if it’s all fiction
and theater and there isn’t any substance to
the flavor and the balance and the seasoning and
the well-cooked venison, than that’s where
that might fall apart. This flour’s an idiot. Hottest day of the year so far. So here’s some good recipes to
make, pastry, melted chocolate. Stop it. Mate, what are you doing? Stop it. No. No? You sure? No. This wand’s got a
really thick end now. Have you seen a wand before? That’s not beer. Let’s make a treacle
tart filling. Zest of a lemon, juice of a
lemon, breadcrumbs, golden syrup, maple syrup, black
treacle, and ground ginger. It’s brown sugar. No. Get. Oh, you little– I’m doing it differently
now, because food is about how you feel. And I didn’t feel like
putting it in the fridge. This is dangerous now. Two bad things have happened. I forgot to chill my pastry
before it went in the oven. And now, my recipe is ash. I’m going to say that
that’s the bit that said chill your pastry before
putting it in the oven. My onions and peppers
have sweated out. I’ve added in some paprika, some
caraway seeds, and some flour. I’ve let that cook out. Now, it’s time to go in
with beef stock, water, and porcini mushrooms. When are we going to get
to the bottom of this whole your recipe thing? Am I making it? What was your level of input? If you had to mark
your input out of 10? I didn’t give James much
input into my recipe. Much? Any input into my recipe. Ow. [BLEEP] idiot. Ow. Ow. Ow. I don’t think we’ve got anything
to worry about in this battle. We’re going, food. And Ben goes, oh. Take it all back. Anything we can– I’m going again. I’m not entirely sure what to
expect of this wand biscuit. Hopefully, a good snap
from a biscuit, buttery, plenty of chocolate. But it’s the wow
I’m looking for. Otherwise, it’s just a biscuit. So my bag, I guess
I have a punch. But it’s OK. I’ll just rest my finger atop. It should be absolutely fine. Oh, that looks
much better, mate. Good job you redid that. I’m so sorry for doubting
you the first time. Oh, the battle has heated up. Back in. 25 minutes. I assume that ginger
that I have not used should’ve gone
into that filling. So I’m just going
to tell Ben that he should be tasting ginger. Please tell me, did
you put the ginger in? Yeah, yeah. Is that tempered? No, oh. It was cheap. It doesn’t– that’s
a step, isn’t it? Why wouldn’t you temper it? Because we’re going to
eat these really quickly. Therefore, it doesn’t
really matter. Also, we’re going to dip
this in white chocolate. So it’s going to
go white anyway. You want that? Do I want it? Yeah. Hey, what are you getting? What are you getting from that? Nothing along the
lines of flavor. You are a genius,
because you do not need to cover those in chocolate. No. You skipped a step. Do you think? That looks like you
pulled a wand out of– What? Go on. Finish it. [BLEEP] [WHISPERING] Nice. OK. This now needs to chill. Oh. This is how you make
lemon creme fraiche. Lemon into creme fraiche. Half a lemon. So you’ve done one
layer of chocolate. Is this now the tempered layer? No. So the tempered layer’s
coming in at the very end? No. I’m still waiting
for the aha moment. I will buy you a butter beer
after this, because you’re having a shocker, aren’t you? If these close-up shots are
really shaky, it’s because Ed– Is just laughing. Laughing. I can’t wait to get
these in the sexies. [LAUGHTER] Let’s talk about
Hungarian Horntail. Now, it’s pretty
difficult to get authentic Horntail this
time of the year in the UK. So what I’ve done instead
is go for venison, from Scotland, JK
Rowling’s home. You get where I’m
going with this. Venison steaks, we’re going
to rub them in paprika and then cook them at
the table theatrically. Give my recipe a chance. It’s not a chili. So I don’t actually– oh, no. I’ve lost it. I think it’s gone. I think it’s too late. My ratios are wrong for my
ganache, like really wrong. Could you have done with
cube of dark chocolate? What you’ve got to think is
is this going to improve? You could save that. I could save that. I can not save that. Oh. Guilty. Whoa. I would have just
done that bit by bit. [LAUGHTER] I don’t think the cream
is my biggest issue. It’s all the same thing, mate. It is so hot in here. It’s 27 degrees in here. It’s not hot enough. I mean, half the
concern is I’ve still got half a dish to cook
once we get to the table. But it could be worse. Shut up. Let’s get this in the sexies. [MAGICAL MUSIC] If you set the fire alarm
off, you’re disqualified. Can we have one of those
fans over here maybe? I’m getting nervous now. This is all starting
to kick off. And I don’t like it. Butter, lemon, lemon juice. Jamie, you’re going
to set the alarm off. James, you said you were
going to bring fire. That’s definitely going
to set the fire alarm off. No. It’s a Goblet of Fire. I’ll give you that. Goblet of Fire. That’s not a goblet. The theater is that you
don’t know whether you’re watching a comedy or not. I have to say, Jay, that is
a world first for a Sorter Ultimate Cooking Battle. You almost didn’t panic. Almost didn’t panic at
all, not a single bit. The mushroom and
the peppers give it that kind of savory
bitterness with that kind of charred paprika. There’s a lot of thought went
into this, before you even started of cooking. Well-executed. All fair comments, right? Now, if I ever want
to be impressed, it would be with
the wooded scent– woody scent of a broomstick. Smell that stump one, mate. Beautiful consistency
of creme fraiche. Slightly lemony. Is it cooked pastry? I didn’t get any of
my creme fraiche. Oh, you sucked it and
now I don’t want it. It’s well-cooked, buttery,
golden around the edges. Couple of places
it’s fallen back. We know why. It could’ve rested a little
bit before it went in the oven. But– You can taste the
ginger cut through. You can taste the
other woody stuff, just like a broomstick, Ben. That’s the most unique delivery
we’ve had at the table. Don’t start judging
them already, mate. You haven’t even tried that one. Taste my wand. Dip it in the lavender
and milk chocolate and lemon Slytherin
sublime slime. Presentation is on point. What point? They are, well,
saved by the box. They’re saved by the box. Did I say, saved by the box? I did, yeah. Yeah, you did They look great in the box. There’s not many places to hide. Pastry and filling here. Biscuit and chocolate. I’m going to dip as well. The structural integrity
of them is not great. As it was, a little bit
soft, because the chocolate hasn’t set. So i need to pick a winner. As always, you guys
get to pick one too, by using the poll up above. All of the recipes are
available down below. But this week– Don’t just roll me out quickly My favorite tribute– If I come third, I’m going
to be absolutely devastated. I’m going to be devastated. My favorite tribute
to Harry Potter, because every wand is unique and
points the magic to the flames, I think it has to be Jamie. [CLAPPING] I can ask, what else is there? Without a doubt, that was a
great dish and well-thought through to playing
with the theme. Can I just say, I think this
is the first battle I’ve won this year. He still hasn’t said
who’s come second and I don’t know who
he’s doing a favor. OK. In that case, third
place is the wands. That is a delicious,
delicious tart. I’ve won nearly all
the battle this year. This is the first
time I haven’t won– Burger. Second time I haven’t won– Seafood battle. Third time I haven’t won. I like coming second. Well done. Well-baked, well-baked. That’s a wrap. Back to the fridge. Smashed it. He smashed it. He smashed it. He smashed it. I was going to ask you to
comment down below with who you think should win. But after that, I think
there’s only one choice. He smashed it. Comment down with
who you thought won. No one’s won now. We’re all losers. Speaking of losing– Bazza’s here? You’re setting up
that joke, aren’t you? I hate you so much. Why would you do that? The first restaurant on
the moon opened last week. Yeah, mixed reviews. Apparently, the food’s
great, but no atmosphere. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? I smiled. Yeah, you did. We’ll see you on Wednesday
or Sunday at 4 PM. We’re always here. As we mentioned, Sorted it is
just run by a group of friends. So if you like what
we’re doing, then there are loads of ways that
you can support us and get more involved. Everything you need to
know is linked below. Thanks. And we hope to see you
again in a few days. [SINGING “HEDWIG’S THEME”] No. Cause that will just– this is polyester.

Danny Hutson


  1. Here's the quiz we used guys! Just didn't go through Pottermore so you wouldn't have to sit through 10 hours of intros but it's still the legit quiz! ->

  2. I know its all fun and games, but Ive watched a few of these, and I would actually like to see them compete for real, without trying to sabotage each other. I wanna see what they are actually capable of. But you never see that cause they spend all their time trying to save their dish because the others have messed them up when they had their backs turned. lame.

  3. I found out this channel only a week or so ago and I'm now obsessed with it – every video I watched so far made me feel warm and fuzzy and happy because you all are always so happy and enthusiastic in it it's contagious. But in this one, Barry looks just so damn sad and resigned it just make me sad. All I thought was I want to make him a cup of tea or something to make it better.

  4. Is Mike ok? He seemed really shocked he was Slytherin. Especially since he has read all the books and watched all the movies.

    I'm shocked too… but considering how often he tries to sabbotage others in battles… I kind of see it now.

  5. Mike's should have been a Firebolt Treacle Tart, and he could have put cinnamon and fireball whisky into it!! Jamies is the clear winner, and Barry didn't even turn up for this!

  6. Was it because of the theme and the way that you're all dressed that the bunch of you acted like unruly schoolboys thru the entire episode?

  7. That dad joke would have been funnier if there wasn't an atmosphere on the moon but I must say that was an amazing fire show. Kudos.

  8. You guys didn't use Pottermore it's the official Harry Potter website. You can find out what house your in, what your wand is, and other cool stuff

  9. Yes!! Hungarian food!!???? Goulash is one of my favorite family recipes, I always love when my grandma cooks it for me:)) Thank you for doing it justice Jamie with your awesome spin on the Hungarian classic!

  10. Jaime at being the only Hufflepuff: "Am I the only nice person?" XD
    Jaime, 10 seconds later: "Let's make Dragon Stew!?" ?

  11. you know none of them care about Harry Potter when A: they don't already know their house and B: used something other than Pottermore to decipher their house

  12. This was released the day before my 35th birthday and I love Harry Potter. Quite fitting ^^

    When it comes to the sorting I actually yelled BULLSHIT! and scared my neighbors dog so he started to bark at me.
    There is NO WAY that Jamie is a Hufflepuff, no way in hell! He's obviously a Slytherin.

    If you want to see a true Hufflepuff in a competition, look at Cedric Diggory! He didn't have to sabotage anything for anyone to become the dual winner! He didn't need to lit someone's recipe on fire! XD

    I'm a Hufflepuff btw on Pottermore. At least this time, sometimes I'm a Ravenclaw. I redo the the test for fun sometimes.

    That said, Jamie's dish was the best one of all 3 and I'm not going to say anything about the chocolate wands.

  13. I actually hate the way they sabotage each other. It is fine to have fun, but when it comes to cooking food, that is the time to be serious.

  14. JAMIE WAS SO GOOD OMG this was truly so impressive 10/10! not going to say anything about the chocolate wands though 🙂 and the ginger 🙂

  15. I think the faffing about is funny, but a bit too much makes these episodes less about the food and more about the lads. Guys grocery store level of cringe TV.

  16. How can Barry ever win let alone get better when he's constantly being sabotaged by fucking Jamie and Mike? And he has the patients of a monk.

  17. I'm sorry Barry should not have been included. He isn't even a fan.
    I'm surprised he didn't make something completely unrelated to harry potter actually lol.

  18. I feel like James could be Gryffindor. He seems way nice.

    I feel Jamie is a Slytherin with the other two lol.
    Ben definitely Ravenclaw. Lol.

  19. Love Jamie’s dad joke made me giggle lol

    Also for me , mike won ( lemon tart. Yes please) Glad he wasn’t too tart about being second though lol

  20. Actually That goulash made me hungry . I quess it is time to make Dinner ? BUT TOMORROW WE ARE EATING GOULASH ! ??

  21. I am sooo proud now that I'm Hungarian ? that dish looked so good but was not a real Hungarian gulash ? Jamie made it too complicated vlcompared to original gulash (gulyás)

  22. Mike as Slytherin and James as Ravenclaw… meh. James would be Griffindor all the way. Mike? Not too sure.

  23. For something that highly requested, that was the laziest most underwhelming performance I've seen on sorted. You can do better, sorted, I know you can! XD

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