Technology These Days

Technology These Days


– I can’t figure out what’s
going on. I think I’m not adjusted to
the Daylight Savings Time. Are you? Are you adjusted?
(audience) No! – Oh.
I don’t think any– No one in my house is. The cats aren’t used to it.
They’re sleeping 20 hours a day. Usually they sleep
19 hours a day. I like the extra hour of light.
I like that. When I get home I think,
“What am I gonna do?” Because I want to be active.
And I’m like, “Ah, I’m gonna do some
gardening,” or “I’m gonna play tennis,”
or “I’m gonna go kayaking.” But I don’t do any of it, and–
[laughter] Two words: Netflix. [cheers and applause] Nothing.
Nothing. [applause] So the other day, Portia and I
sat down to watch one episode of “House of Cards.” The key word being “one.” [laughter] And I think you know how this
story ends. The–’cause the end of
this show, the window pops up and it says, “Next episode starts in five,
four, three…” Twelve hours later,
we watched the entire season. Netflix don’t care if you have
a job or a family. [laughter] Everything just immediately now,
just moves to the next show. So, I mean,
we could’ve stopped it, but that would’ve involved
pressing a button, so… Neither of us were prepared
to do that. In the past,
it took so much more– If you wanted to watch TV,
there was effort involved. You had to get up off the couch
and you had to turn the dial. You had to adjust
the rabbit ears. You had to put tin foil on
the rabbit ears. And then I’d have to hold it
like that for an hour while my mother watched
her stories. [laughter] If you were to record a show, that took planning and
preparation. You’d have to leave work early.
You’d rush home. You’d have to find a tape–
like, a blank tape. There was never a blank one,
so you’d end up recording over your brother’s 12th birthday. [laughter] Just so you could see an episode
of “Scarecrow and Mrs. King.” [laughter] [laughs]
I know, it’s a random show. [laughter] I knew I was taking a chance
on that one. But now, it’s almost impossible
to miss your favorite TV show. If you miss it live,
it’s on your DVR. If it’s not on your DVR,
it’s on demand. If it’s not on demand,
it’s on Hulu. If it’s not on Hulu,
it’s on Amazon. If it’s not on Amazon,
then and only then should you read a book. [laughter] I’m kidding!
You should find another show. [laughter] What did we learn from all
of this? Nothing.
Nothing at all. The important thing is,
no matter how many hours you spend on Netflix,
always set aside just enough time to dance,
really.

Danny Hutson

68 thoughts on “Technology These Days

  1. I feel bad for blockbuster, 6 years ago somebody offered to buy Netflix but they said Netflix don't have future!!
    Well, where is blockbuster now?

  2. My grandad said "your generation relies to much on technology" so I said " no, YOUR generation relies too much on technology " and pulled out his life support

  3. Chuckle….I've never used that word Ina sentence. But when I watch you, I usually crack up! And even if I don't crack up, I chuckle. Either way, you make me laugh, and I love you!!

  4. There's no commenting on the target one SOOO
    Did anyone else notice that that girl running looks like Rachel ballinger

  5. THE ONE BEFORE THIS EPISODE COLLEENS SISTER WAS 聽RUNNING WITH A NINJA THING FOR A TARGET MONEY I WAS LIKE OMG MY WHOLE MOUTH DROPPED DOWN IT WAS LIKE WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. peace on the聽 streets sannmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 find the difference . like if u found it

  7. Her monologues have gotten hugely better:) They'd gotten sorta boring or awkward for a while, but she's back!

  8. "The important thing is, no matter how many hours you spend on Netflix, always set aside just enough time to dance." – Ellen DeGeneres 2015

    I shall use that quote in one of my selfies on Instagram. Thank you Ellen! xD I'll always love you <3

  9. When I was little, one relative would have to go outside and turn the big iron pole the receiver was affixed to, while another relative stood just inside the screen door relaying directions shouted from whoever was watching the TV for the angle that got the clearest picture. This went on every time we needed to change between the three channels we had. It was quite fun, really – and it's definitely a good thing we have such a large family!

  10. How can I stop binge watching your show on this freaking YouTube? I decide to watch just one and promise every time that I'll, but end up watching atleast eight!馃槄
    I love you Ellen!

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