– I can’t figure out what’s
going on. I think I’m not adjusted to
the Daylight Savings Time. Are you? Are you adjusted?
(audience) No! – Oh.
I don’t think any– No one in my house is. The cats aren’t used to it.
They’re sleeping 20 hours a day. Usually they sleep
19 hours a day. I like the extra hour of light.
I like that. When I get home I think,
“What am I gonna do?” Because I want to be active.
And I’m like, “Ah, I’m gonna do some
gardening,” or “I’m gonna play tennis,”
or “I’m gonna go kayaking.” But I don’t do any of it, and–
[laughter] Two words: Netflix. [cheers and applause] Nothing.
Nothing. [applause] So the other day, Portia and I
sat down to watch one episode of “House of Cards.” The key word being “one.” [laughter] And I think you know how this
story ends. The–’cause the end of
this show, the window pops up and it says, “Next episode starts in five,
four, three…” Twelve hours later,
we watched the entire season. Netflix don’t care if you have
a job or a family. [laughter] Everything just immediately now,
just moves to the next show. So, I mean,
we could’ve stopped it, but that would’ve involved
pressing a button, so… Neither of us were prepared
to do that. In the past,
it took so much more– If you wanted to watch TV,
there was effort involved. You had to get up off the couch
and you had to turn the dial. You had to adjust
the rabbit ears. You had to put tin foil on
the rabbit ears. And then I’d have to hold it
like that for an hour while my mother watched
her stories. [laughter] If you were to record a show, that took planning and
preparation. You’d have to leave work early.
You’d rush home. You’d have to find a tape–
like, a blank tape. There was never a blank one,
so you’d end up recording over your brother’s 12th birthday. [laughter] Just so you could see an episode
of “Scarecrow and Mrs. King.” [laughter] [laughs]
I know, it’s a random show. [laughter] I knew I was taking a chance
on that one. But now, it’s almost impossible
to miss your favorite TV show. If you miss it live,
it’s on your DVR. If it’s not on your DVR,
it’s on demand. If it’s not on demand,
it’s on Hulu. If it’s not on Hulu,
it’s on Amazon. If it’s not on Amazon,
then and only then should you read a book. [laughter] I’m kidding!
You should find another show. [laughter] What did we learn from all
of this? Nothing.
Nothing at all. The important thing is,
no matter how many hours you spend on Netflix,
always set aside just enough time to dance,