(Techno Music) Ethan: Function Hila: Focus Ethan: Focus. Hila: Now you. Ethan: Then you touch the screen Ethan: WOW Ethan: WOW Im a producer Ethan: I click focus and touched the screen Ethan: I’m a movie maker now. Ethan: Alright … GUYS. Welcome Welcome to Papas house Ethan:This is something we notice a long time ago.;/ Ethan: And we always wanted to make fun of it or talk about it Ethan: But it just came up recently, and uh, it’s really entertaining. Ethan: It’s really… It’s really a lot of fun to look through this Ethan: I’m of course talking about our good friend Chris Ethan: Not “Prank Invasion” Chris… Ethan: Our other good friend Chris… what is it with people named Chris, by the way… Ethan: Who, are like, sexual predators, I don’t know. Ethan: People out there with Chris… Watch yourself dude Ethan: Don’t fffh- don’t pull a “Chris” on us. Ethan: We’re talking, of course, about the Good Looking Loser. Ethan: And there was this great thread, where he posted, the video… Ethan: And ever- and the comments that ensued were true gold. Ethan: The topic is, “This is what our haters look like!” Ethan: And he just writes, “Who saw this?” Ethan: And, by the way, I’m loving the avatar he’s chose here. Ethan: I don’t know if that, if that’s like the pre-rape face Ethan: or the post-rape face. Ethan: Some rape was involved with that photo, I can tell. Hila: And this is the… “in-rape” face. Ethan: That’s in the “middle-of-rape” face. Ethan: That could be, that is a terrifying thought, my God. Hila: I think this is it.
Ethan: That’s the- that is THE rape face. Ethan: I don’t know why we didn’t talk about it sooner. I guess… Hila: We thought about it, but then we… Ethan: We were like let’s not stir the pot Hila: Yeah Ethan: Let’s just let it be Hila: [laughs] we didn’t want to upset him too much Ethan: We don’t want this guy to come looking for us, you know what I mean?[winks] Ethan: With a face like, with a mug like that, the man’s liable to do anything Hila: I love the design of the website Ethan: Dude, this website is like, it’s like you, you know what kind of people you’re dealing with ok? Ethan: Just, here’s a big, here’s a fucking blonde with big ass tits in a push-up bra She’s just there, guys Hila: I feel so confused, I feel, I don’t know. Like this is what a woman is supposed to look like Ethan: Yeah, that’s what you’re supposed to look like Hila: What am I? Ethan: If you don’t look like that, you’re not worth us trying to f**k you for one night and then moving on with our lives Ethan: If you don’t look like that, you’re not worthy of us drooling over you and treating you like an object and Ethan: Trying to f*** you Ethan: As soon as possible with committing as little time and then leaving your life Ethan: You’re not worth it, Hila! Ethan: Shame on you, you’re not a real woman! Hila: I know Ethan: “Haha what a fag” Ethan: “Haha what a fag” Ethan: “How does he get your video though? Isn’t that copyright infringement?” Ethan: Oooooooo, we got a lawyer here Ethan: Oh my god we’ve got a legal expert Ethan: And then Chris responds, “Yep” Hila: Yep Ethan: Yep, alright man that, that’s a, the case is closed on that one Ethan: We’ll close the case on that one guys. We don’t even need to go to court, Ethan: sorry about that Chris. Ethan: “I don’t care that much actually, it’s hard to take this funny man seriously when he looks like that.” Ethan: Ohhhhh! He– OHHH! Ethan: What, what, how do I look Chris, like compared to yourself? Ethan: Like, I know I’m not the most– I know I’m not the most handsome guy in the world, I never assumed that. Hila: At the time, you didn’t use to chub and tuck Ethan: I wasn’t even chub and tucking back then Hila: You didn’t have like the.. the autistic look Ethan: I didn’t even have the fucking autistic man-child look Ethan: But like, what is my look Chris? Ethan: What is my look? Ethan: When you got a face like that Chris, wha- wha- what is my look? Ethan: What are you criticizing me for exactly? Ethan: Because I think I look a lot like he does. Ethan: If I get the face right Ethan: I can ge- I can look rapey Chris Ethan: Is that what’s good, is that what you guys value? Ethan: “I actually saw it on Youtube a while back. Not sure why. I saw like the first 5 seconds or so Ethan: and I actually thought it was a serious video of Ethan: guys trying to scam -people (voice crack) Ethan: Don’t even have time to Ethan: waste watching it. This guy is a bozo” Ethan: I just got bozoed. (You got bozed.) Ethan: Oh, fuck. Ethan: Wha-what is, he thought the video Ethan: what – are you? Hila: What’s PUA? Ethan: Pick Up Artist stuff. Oh he thought I was a real pick up artist! Ethan: This fucking genius here… Ethan: “What’s going on? Today boiis, today Ethan: I’m gonna teach ya how to make eye contact with women Ethan: This technique is craaaazy good boi Ethan: This genius who just bozoed me thought I made a f- real pick up artist video Ethan: These guys are, these are the bu- a bunch of bright, bright bl- bulbs Ethan: These bulbs burn the brightest. Ethan: “Haha haha… Ethan: This guy is fucking pathetic, lowest of the low Ethan: and I thought I’d seen it all” Ethan: This is the part, when I just cut to the picture of this guy Hila: I know [laughs] Ethan: I don’t need to say anything guys, I’m just showin a picture of the dude who left this comment Ethan: His name is Gucci Ethan: And let me just say, my goodness… Hila: [laughs]
Ethan: Is that the BEST picture to represent yourself, Mr. Gucci? Hila: And he thought he’d seen it all Ethan: [laughs]
Hila: He didn’t look in the mirror Ethan: This guy has seen it all. Hila: You’re the lowest of the low, Ethan Ethan: It’s me, dude Ethan: There’s like, there’s like pedophiles…
Ethan: murders… Hila: Uh-uh. You’re the lowest…of the low
Ethan: There’s, there’s people in Uganda Ethan: with machetes, choppin’ up little kids and shit. Hila: He thought he saw it all…
Ethan: I’m worse!!
Hila: …until he saw you. Hila: He obviously saw it all. Ethan: [laughing] He’s seen it all. This guy’s been around. Ethan: That guy, this face, this guy, he’s been around. He’s seen it all. Hila: But when he saw you…
Ethan: He’s Gucci Ethan: But when he saw me, he realized, he hadn’t seen it all Hila: You’re the lowest of the low.
Ethan: Gucci Ethan: “I skipped through this vid randomly, all I heard was, ‘I wanna fuck dudes’ ‘Why aren’t we fucking men by the way?’ Ethan: LOLOLOLOL FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT” [laughter] Ethan: They don’t deserve our respect, only men deserve our respect, why aren’t we fucking men by the way? Ethan: I’m gay and I wanna fuck dudes! Ethan: Why are we fucking dudes? Ethan: [mockingly] “What?! How did he know?! Ethan: How did he know we were fucking each other and this was just a front? Ethan: How did he know this was just a front for our severely repressed homosexuali tendencies? Ethan: That we just film ourselves picking up girls but we actually meet, dark, deep underground Ethan: Bunkers where we get fucking holed up and fuck all night long, ALL OF US” Hila: Huh.
Ethan: I wanna be there.
Hila: [laughs] Ethan: “I must admit, I laughed at the pens in the hat thing” [kisses, snaps]
God bless ya dude Ethan: You’re, you’re [strange tongue sounds] [pens in the hat gag] [Ethan Klein Cough™] Ethan: “The rest of it though…
Ethan&Hila: was PATHETIC!!” Ethan: It’s like, thanks for tossing me a bone there, guy Ethan: I’ve – I’ve noticed throughout this thread that the pen in the cap gag… Hila: yeah
Ethan: people really liked it Ethan: and the only conclusion I can draw from that is that it’s very slapstick Ethan: them being very simple-minded folk, they see the – all the motion and all the like, Three Stooges shit Ethan: and they’re like, [very mockingly] “HEHEHEHEHE I love the–I love the comedy! I love thpe slapstick!” Ethan: I mean like, you don’t have to find it funny, a lot of people don’t find our stuff funny Ethan: but at least don’t wish death on me at least don’t tell me I’m worse than a fucking serial rapist
Hila: [laughs] Ethan: Right? Like, it’s just a video “Forget it, Chris, he’s just taking you out of context and making jokes that are NOT even funny” “He’s probably just trying to troll you or your community to get some attention” “He will cum of pleasure if you send him a message telling him to stop”
Hila: [giggles] “or take any kind of legal action or something like that, that’s what he wants” Hila: What? Hila: That’s pretty weird. Ethan: That is weird.
Hila: [laughs] Ethan: Well these guys’ perception is so skewed Like, these are the people who tell you- Ethan: this, this is one of my favorites-
Hila: But even this guy said, “I mean the pen joke was funny” Ethan: “I mean the pen joke was funny!” [rimshot] “But only the first time. I hate when people repeat the same joke over and over” “Jokes work once!” What is this guy, a fucking scholar now?
Hila: [laughs] Ethan: Or is he some kind of critic? “His formula of jokes is pretty lame it’s your video for 5 seconds, then him commenting on it for about 40 seconds What a retarded, unfunny comment” This reminds me of one of my favorite- one of my favorite things I read on the internet like, wh- when someone gets made fun of, it’s like, the only reason you would make fun of someone is because you’re jealous
Hila: yeah Ethan: Really? Is that as much as you’ve thought? Is that as far as you can think? How bout being an asshole? How bout being a sex predator? Hila: No. Ethan: Jealous. Hila: Doesn’t exist. Ethan: I wish I could fuck hot babes, dude. I wish I could fuck hot babes every day! He must get a lot of ass. “What?! You k- you murdered my best friend, dude!” You’re fucking jealous, dawg. Don’t be a hater. Here’s his conclusion: “He doesn’t get laid and has no life” Apparently opposite of this guy who gets pussy like crazy, and has the most fulfilling life… ever. Hila: Of course. I mean, look at these webcam pictures
Ethan: Can we get a shot of this guy, DashedHopes? Ethan: These guys are like, showin off their dick to each other Ethan: It’s a forum… it’s a forum full of guys
Hila: yeah, seriously Ethan: taking glamour head shots and showing off their dick and body to each other how are these not – how are these not the gayest dudes on earth? Hila: It’s really weird.
Ethan: This is a gay – this is a gay hookup site, let’s be honest. Ethan: His- his username is ultratyght! How is that not talking about his asshole? The dude’s got a tight asshole and he’s advertising to his bros on Good Looking Loser ‘Cause he wants a dick in his ass Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but coming from these guys… I mean hey, if you want a dick in your ass, god bless your soul and lots of luck
Hila: yeah Ethan: I mean hey, whatever gives you love and y- and you- feels good, right? But Ultratyght? I know where he wants that dick, but he’s frontin like he doesn’t “Most likely has too much time on his hands. Folks that are unhappy with their life,” Ooh, we got a guru on our hands… “Not enough money, pussy, reachin’ the goals, etc will lash out at others that are successful fueled by their negative energy” By the way, Chris, Good Looking Loser, is he the epitome of success, Hila? Hila: have you seen his video where he’s wearing a suit? Ethan: That’s the most fucking poor fitting suit I’ve ever seen
Hila: have you seen that video? Ethan: The mo- where he put- he starts the video by talking about how he puts egg whites on his face Hila: [laughs] Ethan: He looks like he’s fucking dipped in vaseline Like a candle dipped in vaseline cause his face is so obscenely red
Hila: [laughter] Ethan: And in this fucking huge, oversized suit He looks like- he looks like the most pathetic door-to-door salesman I’ve ever seen And meanwhile, this is, this is this guy’s image of success “Him trying to chirp the shit Chris talks about is a joke when he looks like THAT” “Would love to see what this guy thinks is the correct way to get laid” Ethan: Well, I prefer, honestly…
Hila: do you even get laid? Ethan: [laughs]
Hila: loser Ethan: The correct way, in my opinion, is like, if you’re gonna get laid, they might as well be sleeping Like, these guys do this thing where they restrain them I prefer to knock them out, have an ether rag put something in their beverage do it the old fashioned way, call me old fashioned A lot of people say I’m an old fashioned kind of gentleman I like to roofie my women before I rape them And I think it’s more pleasant for everybody So call me old fashioned, maybe I’m just a pussy feminist, but I like to rape my women sleeping, ok? Sorry guys, I finally admit it
Hila: and actually it’s a really funny story that’s how we met. Ethan: We met that way Hila: and…it worked out great
Ethan: And it’s worked out actually Ethan: Who knew? Yeah. My mom always said, “Be patient and love will come”
Hila: yeah Hila: my mom always said, “Just sleep while they do it” Ethan: Go with it
Hila: Yeah. Ethan: If you wake up, pretend you’re still sleeping.
Hila: Yeah. Hila: And just forget about it afterwards.
Ethan: That’s really, that’s good advice. Ethan: I gotta tell you, a lot of relationships get st- go wrong when women complain about being raped Hila: yeah
Ethan: That’s when most relationships go wrong Hila: well
Ethan: I’m o- we’re old fashioned Ethan: We’re old fashioned
Hila: women today, they’re such complainers Ethan: Fucking, they’re all feminist pussies dude
Hila: yeah Ethan: By the way, dude, you look fucking good, like if I saw your face on a gay AIDS dating app, I would swipe right. Is right good or left good? I would swipe yes
Hila: I don’t know Ethan: I’d swipe yes on you Alright, what can you say, dude? Hila: pretty depressing
Ethan: Kinda depressing actually, I feel bad now I wish I didn’t, I wish I didn’t read this stuff Like [sigh] I, I feel bad that these guys actually exist Hila: yeah Ethan: And you know what, they’re, these are not happy people These are like, damaged people These are, these are guys who like, need love but they can’t, they don’t know how to look for it Hila: Yeah Ethan: These, these are the guys who need mommy! Who need mommy the most All I can say is, Chris I hope you find love, I hope you find companionship, I hope you find the mom you’re looking for to cradle and love you and tell you that she’ll never leave you and that she loves you even though you’re…fucking… [bewildered pause] the dumbest person she’s ever met even though you put egg whites on your face and even though your face is red, it looks like it was dipped freshly in acid and also like a fucking hot dog or a dog boner she’s gonna love you anyway just like mom did, Chris Hila: maybe it’s not a mama, maybe it’s a papa Ethan: It’s a papa love? That is e- that’s too weird to fucking even analyze I cannot get into the papa love right now, I already committed to the mama love
Hila: [laughs] Ethan: So Chris, I wish you love of mother or papa whatever you need just, you know what, keep doing your thing Chris God bless your soul, Papa John appreciate ya Thanks so much for watching guys
Hila: that’s funny Ethan: And uh
Hila: He needs that Papa John love. Ethan: He needs Papa John, he needs a big tip
Hila: [laughs] yeah Ethan: Maybe he wants them both, maybe he needs to fuck both of his parents I don’t know what ya want, Chris, you’re fucked up dude! It’s not my problem! What am I, what am I, your therapist? I don’t know, figure out your own problems, Chris, I’m sick of dealing with you! [Video Ends]