Internet Comment Etiquette: “Net Neutrality”

Internet Comment Etiquette: “Net Neutrality”

Hey there everybody Big Money Salvia here, but today you can call me teacher Eric because we’re all gonna learn about net neutrality And why it’s gotta go. No, I mean it. I’m fucking sick of net neutrality. Just in case you don’t know what that is, I got a definition here: net neutrality is the principle that Internet service providers and governments regulating most of the Internet must treat all data on the Internet the same and not discriminate or charge differentially by user content bla bla bla bla bla for instance, under these principles Internet service providers are unable to intentionally block, slow down, or charge money for specific websites in online content. Well, that’s all well and good, but here’s my issue folks. It’s 2017. It’s time to start paying for your fucking websites. Now, for you poor people that’s gonna suck, but for me? You know I’m ready to slap down some extra dollaroonies each month especially if it means I get to keep tweeting pictures of me eating popsicles all weird to the FCC Chairman. Got this one queued up actually. Hey, bro I’m coming off of years of tweeting to Ted Cruz So I’m really trying not to make fun of how you look or act so why don’t you just charge me $2.99 an insult we can both get our nut off here. And premium package tweet! Hey, I wonder what happens when a country doesn’t have net neutrality. Here’s what happens when a country doesn’t have net neutrality. Okay, that sounds like an answer to my question. Let’s check it out. “The basic principle of net neutrality is” Ah shit, nope. It’s just another one of these robot voice channels. “If you pay a few euros per month you just get to use messaging apps. A bit more and you can use Facebook more or perhaps Netflix more.” This is what YouTube’s gonna look like for poor people in a couple years so, let’s leave a comment to welcome them. Yo the doctor is in, Dr. Money stacks that is. I just got off the phone with Netflix And they’re gonna sell me a subscription package that lets me creep my dick into the frame from the bottom corner while you’re trying to watch a movie and you have to Click on it to make it go away This is a truly lucrative deal for the both of us But if we’re being honest I hate showing my dick to strangers online, but I also believe in an open and free Internet. That’s what is most important here is that we keep the internet open and free and that I’m allowed to pay extra money to have the tip of my two-guy Visible in the corner of the screen while you’re trying to watch Magic’s biggest secrets finally revealed hosted by Mitch Pileggi Also, by the way if trying to play season 2 of The Walking Dead after next month It’s just gonna be a video of me giving birth to a stuffed cat. And cha-ching! Hey you know what else sucks about net neutrality? All the gamers are mad about it. So now the whole arguments gonna smell like onions. “Why net neutrality is important to gamers?” Oh, there’s one thing I know gamers like it’s a good old friendly-fire check and Are you mad because you have border money Yep Friendly Fire’s on. “Net neutrality is the idea that everything on the Internet is treated the same. Whether it’s Facebook Twitter or YouTube they all have a level playing field.” “Why the fuck did you kill me you faggot” “What if access to one website was much slower or difficult than another website?” I’ll just pay extra for it. “What if Amazon had a monopoly over Internet speed?” I will pay for that. “And what about latency in online gaming? Lag. With net neutrality laws, come on, what would stop ISPs with their newfound freedom from charging extra for a special, low latency, lag-free-” I’m just going to pay for it! “Let us know down in the comments what aspects of this you care about.” Alright well in the future a comment like this might buy me a summer beach house. Hey nobody wants a free and open Internet more than me. But let’s be honest: poor people are ruining it for everyone else. If we can just corral all the poor people into one tiny little slum of bare-bones websites it’ll be easier for us actual contributing folk to feel safe letting our kids run around at lightning-fast speeds. Also with all the money we pay into the system, we can make sure the lower-income sections are more heavily policed with fines and bandwidth meters. So either way they’ll be spending like a middle-class household in no time. Once they go into debt and can’t pay their internet bill, we nab them for illegally downloading TV shows and then cut their service, leaving them virtually homeless and no longer our problem except for the debt that they’ll have levied from their paychecks. Oh, shit. Wait, this was a YouTube comment? Man, that whole time I thought I was on the phone with my lawyer. Great, now got to pay this YouTube channel to disable the comments section. All of you can eat a cat out of my ass, go Astro. Sincerely, Jim Verizon. And post! Oops. Oo. Sorry, I don’t mean to do that one. Moving along. Even though I still think that net neutrality is stupid and outdated, I’m willing to listen to the other side for the sake of being objective. But I want to hear some real pointed truths here from respected journalists. What we got? The Young Turks. Eh, that’s close enough. And play! “Now, Pai seeks to dismantle regulations that prevent internet providers, like Verizon, his former employer, from slowing traffic to websites whenever they wish.” So what? “Will it be the same rules? He says, well, it won’t be. But we, I think the companies will voluntarily not discriminate against their competitors. Because, that’s what corporations do, right? They voluntarily don’t compete with their competitors.” Don’t care. “So, Verizon–again, Ajit Pai’s former employer–T-Mobile, and AT&T, for example, collectively blocked 241 million consumers from using Google Wallet several years ago because the service competed with one that each had a financial stake in.” I didn’t hear that. “Five years ago AT&T blocked certain iPhone users from accessing FaceTime unless they upgraded to more expensive data plans. Nope didn’t hear it. All right, well I think I’ve heard everything they’ve got to say here. Let’s check out some comments. “Someone needs to assassinate this arrogant motherfucker.” That’s gonna cost you. “Bullets equal solutions.” That’s gonna cost you “You need to be shot because this asshole is going to destroy freedom.” That’s gonna cost you. “Please someone kill this devil.” That’s gonna cost ya. “Enjoy your porn while you can everyone.” Oh, alright. That explains why they’re all so pissed. “Someone just shoot Ajit Pai. Problem solved.” That’s gonna cost ya. “That’s a nice shirt Anna.” Oh, this guy makes money. Holy shit. That’s the most death threats I think I’ve ever seen in a comment section. Just horrible etiquette going on here, and somebody’s got to go in there and remind these guys that words on the Internet aren’t like words outta your mouth where they just dissipate into the air and nobody knows that you said it. These stick around forever, and they can get you in a lot of trouble. I guess that’s my job to remind them huh? Alright, well, I got that. Fellow gentlemen of the Internet, while death threats on any medium are as old as time itself, I implore that you find the restraint to convey your quite spirited distaste in a more constructive manner. For instance, if you think someone in power is out to dupe you for their own financial gain wonder to yourself if perhaps a threat against their life is the appropriate statement to stamp on a public forum, given that such threats have led the pesky legal consequences all too many times in the past. May I suggest instead that you threaten to eat a popsicle like some country tart in heat and then send them the picture? Think with your minds, my boys, not your red hot blood. Feast not on fear, lest it be the fear of your own boy as he wonders if you are bouncing too hard upon his extremity, and that it may snap at any moment. But may your aim remain true thus upon the moment of mutual climax you can whisper into his ear, “Ajit Pai looks like he can inflate the bottom part of his head to gain buoyancy.” And post good sir! Yes. All right solved that shit. Well, now let’s hear from somebody who like me thinks net neutrality is just a waste of time “It’s not inconceivable, and I would tell you that someday will soon it’ll become likely” Oh, Mark Cuban. Yeah, that makes sense that guy’s loaded. “So if you’re getting a hundred to make it easy six megabit channels Of HD, that’s six gigabytes. That’s six gigabytes if you say you know what you can’t just deliver all that for television we want to open that up to the Internet, so all the Glen Becks and Blazes can deliver their over-the-top video in an equal manner. Now all of a sudden you have 6.1. gigabytes available in the- And you don’t have to fracture it to everything. Yeah, and it’s just open Internet.” Hell yeah preach dude. An interview like this is bound to pull in some fellow anti-net neutrality folks here. “Mark Cuban is a fucking retard. Glenn Beck is pile of shit. Suck my dick. Stop fucking with the Internet, It’s not yours. The Blaze is as legitimate as an elementary school’s morning announcements. Get mad. Cable is dying.” Can’t tell what that guy’s stance is. “So if there’s no priority for television and it’s just part of the open Internet and delivery, your traditional television, watching The Evening News it’s over. “Fuck you Mark imma kill your family. Not really.” Whoop. Uh-oh. Oh now. Ya see now it’s getting dark again. “Choke on a fat dick and die.” “This is bad news.” “I don’t like the music in the background.” “Fuck off, cunt.” Oh hey, I got a guy who comments that on all my videos too. “Fat slimy greedy rich piece of steamy shit.” Wow, would you look at that just another terrible comment section from the pro-net neutrality crowd. What happened to the tolerant pro-net neutrality crowd, huh? What, what about What happened to them? What about them? Wh-what happened to the? uh, tolerant pro-net neutrality guys huh? What happened to them? Hmm? Huh? Mmm-hmm? I got a comment. What up you broke bitches? I’m over here wondering what kind of internet Mark Cuban can afford when net neutrality’s all gone. I bet it’ll be sick, like 10 grand a month and he can literally zap people through their computer monitors while he jerks off the Game of Thrones sex scenes as they film them. Though you can tell Mark Cuban doesn’t really jerk off a lot. He looks like he’s got about 15 years worth of unbusted nuts wearing him down from the inside. It must be embarrassing whenever he drives over a pothole and pops one off in his pants. Yo I get it he’s too busy making money doing whatever he does. On that note, if you know how to tell if somebody jerks off too much. Just look at Glenn Beck. That dude probably rubbed one out in this pocket while doing this interview. Glenn’s definitely not the guy you want to discuss the internet with, by the way, considering he hasn’t made a dime off this website since his entire audience died of old age five years ago. Alright, you’re welcome for the comment hey Glen expect an invoice from me tomorrow morning for providing my services here. Everyone who reads this also is me nine dollars and 11 cents because the government will never investigate it and I’m gonna use it to go get gas. And a little Mark Twain quote on the bottom to show I’m smart. Free and open Internet! There we go, and post! Alright well it’s always great to hear from both sides but ultimately the decision is not up to us as citizens and customers. It’s up to the people that we elect and then whoever they choose for the job. So let’s see just where the FCC Chairman Ajit Pai stands on the issue. “FCC chair Ajit Pai explains why he wants to scrap net neutrality” by PBS News Hour. First things first, I’m gonna send him as pic of me getting silly with a popsicle and tweet! And also play! “So you I understand are not a fan of these net neutrality rules from a few years ago. What is your principal concern? Well I favor a free and open Internet.” Free and open. Oh. Free and open. “As they put it these net neutrality regulations hang like a black cloud over our businesses. And so what we’re trying to do going forward is figure out a way that we can preserve that free and open Internet.” Yeah see he keeps saying free and open. “First if you look carefully a lot of those companies don’t say that they like Title Two specifically these particular regulations. What they say is that they care about the principles of a free and open Internet.” Free and motherfuckin open, baby. “Lets just say Comcast created a new TV series. And it just so happened that that competed with Netflix series, very similarly. If these rules go away how is there not an incredible incentive for Comcast to slow Netflix down, coming in to my house, and make their video, the comcast video, very robust? So under that hypothetical, one of the things that’s important to remember is that it is a hypothetical. That we don’t-” Hang on, hang on. I’m sorry guys. I gotta pause this here. The comments as it turns out are disabled. Wow son of a bitch good thing nobody’s monitoring my bandwidth or else I would have wasted four dollars watching that. Then again, if net neutrality wasn’t around, I probably could have bought like a YouTube super token and left a comment anyway. Also, while we’re watching that I sent another popsicle tweet. So I’m gonna count that, and at the end of the day there really is a much better way to send my support for the FCC which is through the FCC website. Check it out. This is like the Internet’s version of a town-hall meeting, only way easier for politicians to duck. Here people can comment on the upcoming Restoring Internet Freedom Act that will finally cut down Net Neutrality. Already went left a comment here, but I’m gonna do it again cuz it’s super easy. All you got to do is use a dead guy’s name. I’m gonna go with Roger Ailes. Okay. Email: [email protected] Address: 742 Alivetown, Mississippi City: Florida. State:Wisconsin. Zip: who cares. And my comment is just ascii art of me seductively eating a popsicle. And submit! Hey, I’ve already done this a bunch of times so trust me it works. I just hope some pesky tech blog doesn’t catch on to what I’m, ah shit. “Dead people mysteriously support the FCC’s attack on net neutrality Earlier this year some reporters discovered that some of the biggest fans of the SCC’s myopic assault on net neutrality of blah blah blah blah” Yeah right fake news alright. Let’s see some comments. Here’s one from Rey. “I had to block Comcast several times on Twitter because they kept targeting me with anti net neutrality propaganda. I had to write two angry messages to Twitter and flag them for harassment.” Oh, I got a comment for this Hey, Rey, Comcast here. Have you changed your mind about net neutrality yet? Did you know you can double your bandwidth for only $8 a month when you purchase a family phone line bundle? Looking forward to hearing back from you, Rey. But if not we’ll just throw Twitter a couple bucks so we can start tweeting at you again. They really need that money ever since Russia closed that checkbook. Please answer my phone calls or they’re gonna throw my family in front of a train. Sincerely, China. And profit! Hey, good stuff. Now I bet you’re wondering what you can do to make sure net neutrality finally gets killed off when the time comes, and the answer is keep doing what you’re doing. Which is nothing. Don’t make any calls to your representative. Don’t sign this comment page. Don’t let anyone in charge of this decision know in any way that you object to what’s going on here and I guarantee you a year from now we’re gonna look back on net neutrality like oh, yeah remember that? You know, while we pay $3.99 a month for our Gmail accounts. But on the upside you’ll never have to worry about a YouTube video like this popping up ever again. “So you see. I like the pudding… pops. You’ll see.” Now, you know if it cost money to upload YouTube videos, this would have never even been made. Sparta. Rudy, what is in my mouth? It’s the pikachu. No, no, no. This isn’t why the Internet was created. The Internet was meant as a platform for corporations to shove advertising and paywalls down our throats. Not this freedom of expression What the fuck is this? “*Incomprehensible gibberish* Rudy.” “This is great. More crazy Bill Cosby.” Alright, well, I’m about to leave a comment that gets me a free month of Facebook. Hey dipshit, How about you apologize for taking up precious YouTube bandwidth over here. Listen, you keep fuckin around and I’m gonna purchase this YouTube account like some piece-of-shit car at a police auction, then fill it with videos of me shaking Koalas out of trees at the zoo. In case you didn’t know, the zoo is a lot like the future of the Internet where if you know whose palms to grease you can do whatever the fuck you want. I got to ride a hungry polar bear through the penguin habitat while dressed as Santa Clause. I’ve never seen so many kids screaming in my life. In addition I helped a female tiger give birth But the baby came out all messed up cuz I also paid to be the father. Anyway I hope your dad knows how to write you fat checks for when the Internet turns into a cell phone contract full of ways to fuck us all so hard we start going outside to save money. And let’s face it. It’s gonna happen no matter what because all the people who should give a shit are too busy complaining about video game loot boxes. And post! And hit this bitch with another popsicle. And that is how you do that. Now, don’t forget even though net neutrality is still around doesn’t mean you can’t still pay me on my patreon page for exclusive fastlane content to exclusive lessons. This month’s exclusive lesson is called Kids Corner. Hey who wants to learn their alphabets? A is for apple. A-A-Apple. B is for ball. B-B-Ball. C is for cat. C-C-Cat. D is for dog. *angry and frankly upsetting yelling* So gather all the family around and start spending that money ~Big Money Silvia is here~ ~postin comments everywhere~ “Have you heard of, doctor, of net neutrality.” I have, maybe. New-trallit? I can’t pronounce that shit, bro. “Net neutralideez nuts.” Oh. ~Big Money Silvia~ ~Big Money Silvia, Silvia~ ~Big Money Silvia~ ~Big Money Silvia, Silvia~

Danny Hutson

100 thoughts on “Internet Comment Etiquette: “Net Neutrality”

  1. Every part of Ajit Pai's face looks like it doesn't belong on his face. His mouth is too big, his eyes too small and close, cheeks too high and fat…it's just a wrong face.

  2. Personally, I think that we need net neutrality because these companies will do anything for money. It's only human nature, and believe or not, these companies are ran by people. The decision to repeal net neutrality will also cause these companies to censor opinions they don't agree with, as they believe in the radical feminist, Black Lives Matter bullshit. If there is any form of censorship, that would not be free and open.

  3. I got screwed by the loss of net neutrality when iTunes and Spotify told me, because I'm a Canadian artist without representation, I'm "beholden to a different level of standards", and so I was only entitled to 10% of any revenue my content grossed. I literally would have made more money sticking to just physical sales of merch, Albums, and doing shows, than I ever would make with that sort of BS, so I said fuck it, and the only platform I release on now is Soundcloud.

  4. Hey bro you should hop off you boy's dick, and make a video about conspiracy theories. Because you know all them flat earthers need to be reminded the world is hallow, and that AI was build so the lazy people at NASA could control our population with all of those sweet chemtrails.

  5. Hey Big money, Nigerian prince shishekabob here. I wanted to mention while bouncing on my boys big stack of bit coin he got from your sweet elderly grandmother because he told her that net neutrality would be dead by next year and every one needs real money to enjoy the pleasures of the internet. For example $6.99 for a shitty highly satirized picture of a minions quote, she happily obliged then sent a picture of her hairy cooch unwarranted of course but she insisted that we bust fat nuts over it. anyway I just wanted let you and everyone here know you were right.

    -Nigerian prince shishekabob.

  6. Just like American to freak out about something and make it bigger then it is. There are countries who have never even had net neutrality and were sitting here listening to you all crying about having to pay for gmail and youtube or not getting Netflix? NONE OF THAT IS TRUE. It doesn't happen. Its like the fucking witch trial again "Burn her, she cast a spell on my rabbit! Now he can't eat rats any more! What am I going to do when my home is over run by rats and my body is slowly eaten over the next few months… I won't be able to pay my mortgage!" Boohoo.

  7. GURU master SALVIO is it possible to penetrate a mans and womans bumholes at the same tim e? or is that just a theory? im so confussssed with all the mis information and spining the spins on the spin wheel why'd thy have to do that thang where they crash de economy (rip) and then when eryone is panic sellin dey buy up der stocks?? doesnt hat just mean they are the sotck market and it a bloated rishky investment to buys stocks and they could bull the wig out from under u at any moment… this message paid for my the kony 2020 restart campaign… if u start catching bad guys than they mifgt cum after us too… nowayjose. bitcoin sure miss those dais of 300% profit

  8. good god. i actually have to remind myself not to drink anything while watching these videos.

    P.S. There is no way that "Think with your mind, not your red hot blood." isn't a quote cuz this guy bounces on his boys dick AAAAAAANNNNNNND….if you know what comes next you have watched too many of these videos like me AAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNND

  9. People agains net neutrality should go to China or something, there your dreams can come true. Bunch of wannabe censors that should all die horribly

  10. "People that should complain about it are too busy bitching about video-game lootboxes" I smell a conspiracy from the gaming industry to make a distraction for the net neutrality to end.

  11. Can't pay it now that all the ads are gone and all your content is age restricted which means no money for a youtuber

    Or there's patrion

  12. Net Neutrality has been repealed for some time now and my homepage at is still up.

    Perhaps, we just overreacted.

  13. slept with a dude specifically because he called all four of his senators – in his home state and where he currently lived – in support of net neutrality. not sure if this counts as swinging votes because net neutrality is still being decided on, but my job as a lobbyist is starting off strong. did it for you, dad. hope you’re proud

  14. Hello, I'm from the future, Net Neutrality died and now I can't afford the internet. Y'all should have fought harder for those corporations that told you that net neutrality was important to their business model. Ok thanks again.

  15. Quick comment related to the Mark Cuban video. He says something about 100 6-megabit channels equating to 6-gigbytes. that couldn't be farther from the truth. Network architect here. Let's get something right from the start. Bits and bytes are different measurements 6*100 is 600 (WOW I know). 600-megabits equates to 0.075-gigabytes. If you want to get to something close to 6-gigabytes, instead of 100, you would need to multiply it by 10,000!! Just goes to show, never talk to a business guy about networking. Bounced on your boiis D to this.


  16. Wait but net neutrality sounds not good…? Unless I don’t fully understand it lol…

    Cause I mean internet already isn’t cheap, and it’s already pretty shit for a lot of people across the world (I live in Australia, it’s 100 bucks a month for 99 mbps and I only get about 80, sometimes only 70) but I feel like me having to pay more to get what I’m already paying for legitimately, it seems a bit scam my imo.

  17. Heyo .. Just popping in from 2019. Net neutrality was axed, Europe passed articles 11/15 and 13/17 on accident, and Trump didn't collude with Russia … I'm just praying for a war now cause there's nothing left to look forward to in life anymore.

    Sincerely, China

  18. If Glenn Beck thinks its a good idea, then you know it's a terrible one…
    Expected better from Cuban…

  19. That fanatical devotion to the Net Neutrality cause sure aged well, didn't it? Your hint that it was a good thing was that all the corporations that lie to you, manipulate your search results, sell/lose your data and ruin all the TV/video game/film franchises you loved supported it.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to drive my dune buggy across the radioactive hell-scape to a hunting area where I'll be forced to kill my own kind for food because my Amazon Delivery order keeps timing out when I click submit.

  20. Hello Eric and fellow fans, thank you for the entertainment, as the fcc closes down on me for slurping Earl grey tea leaves mixed with salvinorin A while wearing only American flag socks and trying to squeeze down Ajit Pai's chimney to give him a slice of lasagna I have been hiding for a while, I am glad to pay for this YouTube video. Vote Besos 2024 AT ALL COSTS. thanks
    Research the reform act of 1832.

  21. "Net Neutrality hangs like a black cloud" This proves that the Government is sending Cloud People to control your mind! Don't look at the sky because they take advantage of the weak human cornea and suck the InfoWars Brain Force Supplement (only $39.99 a bottle) right out of your brain and implant 9/11 Sandy Hook Drugs into your skull that makes you believe that the Earth ain't a disc and boy I sure hope that CERN makes that black hole real quick because I'm tryna bounce my black hole on my boy's dick anyway Bush is sending hologram chemtrails and the moon isn't real i love you (_)_):::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::D~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



    But seriously, the only thing that changed in the last 19 months was that average internet speeds in America have increased by about 40%. I was told, nay, PROMISED, that Americans would be dying in the streets because of this. If I don't see Americans dying in the streets I'm seriously considering moving to Detroit, because this is ridiculous.

    Here's a tube of face cream for one or both of your two faces, you fucking liar:

    (_)_);;;;::::::::::::::::::::::::::D~~~~~~~~~~~~ (^<_^) <—Erik

  23. Ajit pai is the ugliest man i've ever laid eyes on. I bet a 500lbs gamer would be more attractive.

  24. All this time I could've been making big money complementing Ana Kasparians shirt?!!?!?!?! I lost a fortune, because I think her fashion sence is top notch anyway

  25. Keep in mind this is the same guy that joked about Ron Paul custom computers, and when I went to to put in my #BIGMONEY 10% code I found out the RP custom PC had been copywrite striked by Youtube because it resembled something I actually wanted. The Youtube Algorithm then kicked and re-routed me to a Disney video site since they own all politicians anymore. Anyways the White House has been taken over by an Alien shadow government that only stay hidden because of all the Satan worshipers that work as their puppets to enslave us all because my Dad wouldn't let me listen to Ozzy Osbourne as a kid so now I'LL SHOW HIM!! Well guess what I don't care anymore because I'm making my own Ron Paul custom PC with a Ted Cruz limited edition mouse and keyboard that guarantee you'll methodically murder your opponents for years while sending encrypted messages to the News outlets and completely dodging the police. In conclusion I love your videos and everything you do please keep it up. ( I paid 2.99$ extra to post this comment 2 years late Thanks Anti-Net Neutrality)

  26. Fun fact: we didn’t have net neutrality for years and things were fine, and we don’t have it now and things are fine.

  27. Ajit Pai: "In response to your hypothetical, I would like to respond that it is a hypothetical." That really cleared things up.

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