If Cell Phone Commercials Were Honest – Honest Ads (iPhone, Android)

– Let me ask you something. How important is it for
you to feel connected? No, not to your friends and family. I mean to people you
don’t really know or like across the Internet. If the answer is “very,” perhaps I can interest
you in this pocket box. Introducing the iHorton BS, what number are we on? 8 (laughs). It’s functionally the same as the BS7, but I gave it some barely
noticeable upgrades and put a different metal case on it, so now it costs $850 (chuckles). Rose gold, we made that one up. – But I got my iHorton BS7
just a couple months ago, and it’s working fine. – Oh, jeez. One second. (phone beeps) Just sent out an update. – Oh, okay. Yeah, it’s bad now. – Glad to hear it. See, I can use anti-piracy
laws to force updates on you that make your pocket
box objectively worse. Oh, and if you want to sell it or give it to a family member, I can also “lock” your pocket box so it has no second life value. Even though it’s yours. And I will. I guarantee it. – Wait, this doesn’t make any sense. It says my memory is already full, but I basically just got it. – That’s because pocket box comes with a handful of stock
apps you’ll never use and which are impossible to delete. Oh, and if you don’t
update them regularly, they can cause the whole
thing to freeze up. That’s called built-in obsolescence and it comes with every
box, free of charge. That’s my promise to you. Now before I forget, I legally need to say that your pocket box may not be safe to keep in your pocket. Something about waves
or exploding batteries. I don’t have to be more specific than that thanks to the neat little phrase, “Caveat Emptor” or “buyer beware.” It basically says we don’t
have to tell the truth, because you should assume
pocket box companies are going to lie a little
right out of the gates. Anyway, the BS8 is twice as fast, weighs negative pounds, and can repair your
relationship with your father. Kind of trust me. Yes sir, you may be thinking to yourself, where are these little gifts
from the heavens created? Heaven? Close, warehouses. We find it’s actually easier and cheaper to have workers make them for pennies and we put nets around the factory so they can’t kill themselves
in the middle of their shift. So you see, Heaven has
nothing to do with it. Enjoying your new iHorton, son? – Yeah, I mean, it’s got a
bunch of obvious design flaws and my bill just went up for some reason, but I don’t know. How do I look? – Grand! And that’s exactly why you need one. I’m not really selling you progress. I’m selling you the feeling of owning something new and cool. And can you really put a price on that? – Well, I paid it in installments, so it’s actually more. – I can. That price is eight
hundred and fifty dollars. Which is a lot. I agree, but if I charge you less, you don’t seem to want to buy it. You seem to prefer things
that are overpriced and it’s frankly, weird. The IHorton BS8. Sorry, BS8S now. It also takes phone calls, but you won’t answer them. Okay, I’ve been Roger.

Danny Hutson

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *