Awkward Moments From the Republican Jewish Coalition Forum: The Daily Show

Awkward Moments From the Republican Jewish Coalition Forum: The Daily Show


YESTERDAY WE HEARD ABOUT THE
PROBLEMS THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES HAVE A CERTAIN
RELIGIOUS MINORITY. BUT DID YOU KNOW THERE’S
ACTUALLY ONE MINORITY REPUBLICANS LIKE?>>MORE THAN A DOZEN WHITE HOUSE
HOPEFULS DESCEND ON WASHINGTON, D.C. YESTERDAY FOR A COFRUM
HOSTET BY THE JEWISH COALITION. THE CANDIDATES SEEMED TO STICK
TO THEIR SCRIPTS BUT THE EVENT DID PRODUCE A NUMBER OF
AWKWARD MOMENTS.>>Trevor: OOOOH! DID TED CRUZ GET A BONER ON
STAGE AGAIN. SO AWKWARD. SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE
REPUBLICAN JEWISH COALITION FORUM? FOR THAT, WE TURN TO OUR NEWEST
CONTRIBUTOR, SENIOR JEWISH CORRESPONDENT ADAM LEWITZ,
EVERYBODY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>THANK YOU, TREVOR. FIRST OFF, IT’S NICE TO BE
BREAKING NEW GROUND. FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS A
JEW ON “THE DAILY SHOW.” ( APPLAUSE )>>Trevor: DID YOU NOT SEE–
>>I’VE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW. ( LAUGHTER ) LET MY EXPLAIN WHY THIS
MEETING IS SIGNIFICANT. TRADITIONALLY, NOMINEE JEWS
ACTUALLY VOTE FOR REPUBLICANS BUT A HAND FULL DO, AND INSIDE
THOSE HANDS ARE GIANT WADS OF CASH. ( LAUGHTER )>>Trevor: IS THAT, LIKE, A
JEWISH MONEY JOKE. LIKE I’M NOT REALLY
COMFORTABLE–>>IT’S OKAY, TREVOR. I CAN SAY THAT BECAUSE IT’S
TRUE. ( LAUGHTER )>>Trevor: OKAY, ADAM, WHAT WERE
THESE AWKWARD MOMENTS THAT THE MEDIA WAS TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE
I HEAR A LOT OF IT WAS– UM– I AM NOT SURE I’M PRONOUNCING THIS
RIGHT MISHIGOSH.>>YES, THAT IS THE KIND OF
PANDERING THAT THESE NON-JEWISH CANDIDATES BROUGHT TO THE EVENT.>>I’VE BEEN TO ISRAEL MANY
TIMES WITH MY JEWISH FRIENDS.>>I HAVE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY
OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO GO TO ISRAEL.>>I MAY HAVE THE FIRST
ALL-JEWISH CABINET IN AMERICA.>>HAPPY HANUKKAH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.>>HEY, HANUKKAH! THAT ONE’S
THEIRS, RIGHT?>>Trevor: ADAM IF ALL THE
CANDIDATES ARE PANDERING, THEN HOW DO THEY SEPARATE THEMSELVES
FROM THE PACK?>>IT’S BY SHOWING THEIR DEEP
CONNECTIONS WITH THE JEWISH PEOPLE, THEIR DEEP, DEEP
CONNECTIONS.>>LAST NIGHT, I WAS WATCHING
“SCHINDLER’S LIST.” EVERYBODY HERE HAS SEEN
“SCHINDLER’S LIST.”>>YEAH, SEEN IT? WE LIVED IT! LAST NIGHT, YOU WATCHED
“SCHINDLER’S LIST.” YOU WERE CRAMMING FOR THIS
EVENT? ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) BY THE WAY, HE HASN’T FINISHED
THE MOVIE YET, SO NO SPOILERS. OF COURSE, NOT EVERYONE
TROTTED OUT THEIR NETFLIX CUE AS A CHARACTER REFERENCE. SOME CANDIDATES HAD MORE
PERSONAL STORIES.>>MY MOTHER TOLD ME ONE TIME,
SHE SAID, “JOHNNY–” WHEN I WAS A VERY YOUNG MAN– SHE SAID,
“JOHNNY, FUNDAMENTAL TO LOOK FOR A REALLY GOOD FRIEND, LOOK FOR
SOMEBODY WHO IS JEWISH. YOUR JEWISH FRIEND WILL STICK BY
YOUR SIDE.”>>THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A
DELIGHTFULLY AWKWARD DAY FOR LITTLE JOHNNY KASICH IN FIRST
GRADE LOOK FOR A JEWISH FRIEND. “OKAY, LET’S SEE HERE, WE BOTH
ENJOY HE-MAN. WE LIKE EATING CANDY. NOW I’LL JUST NEED TO SEE YOUR
FORESKIN.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )>>Trevor: I MEAN, I GUESS I
SEE WHAT YOU MINE BY PANDERING BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ISSUES HERE? DID WE LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT THE
CANDIDATES’ POSITIONS ON, LET’S SAY, THE MIDDLE EAST.>>SURE, WE LEARNED BEN CARSON
HAD TROUBLE DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN FATAH AND HAMAS.>>Trevor: TO BE FAIR, THAT IS
TRICKY.>>LET ME FISNIH. BETWEEN FATAH,
HAMAS, AND HUMUS, THE CHICKPEA SPREAD.>>THE CHALLENGE IS THE SPLIT
BETWEEN FATAH AND HUMUS. FATAH OPERATE IN A CONSTANT
STATE OF CONFLICT. FATAH RULES THE WEST BANK, HUMUS
RULES THE GAZA STRIP.>>AND, OF COURSE, THE SINAI
PENINSULA IS COVERED IN BABAGANUSH. BUT, TREVOR, THERE WAS ONE GUY
AT THIS EVENT WHO HAD A MORE SOPHISTICATED TAKE ON THE MIDDLE
EAST SITUATION.>>OBAMA IS THE WORST THING THAT
EVER HAPPENED TO ISRAEL, THE WORST, THE WORST.>>THE WORST, YES, I CANNOT
THINK OF A SINGLE WORSE THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO
ISRAEL. IT’S JUST BEEN 65 YEARS OF
TRANQUILITY OVER THERE. ( LAUGHTER )>>Trevor: OH, I GUESS WE’RE
BACK TO TRUMP.>>YEAH, HE IS A BLESSING.>>Trevor: SO YOU TALKED ABOUT
HOW THE OTHER CANDIDATES PANDERED TO THEIR JEWISH
AUDIENCE AND I’M ONLY IMAGINING TRUMP DID THE SAME.>>WELL, AS MY RABBI SAID ABOUT
THE BOOK OF EXODUS, IT’S A MATTER OF INTERPRETATION.>>OBAMA, A-YI-YI. YOU AS BUSINESS PEOPLE WILL FEEL
PRETTY GOOD ABOUT THIS.. I’M A NEGOTIATOR LIKE YOU
FOLKS. YOU’RE NEGOTIATORS. I WOULD SAY 99.9 PER– IS THERE
ANYBODY THAT DOESN’T RENEGOTIATE DEALS IN THIS ROOM. I WANT TO RENEGOTIATE– ROOM,
PERHAPS MORE THAN ANY ROOM I’VE EVER SPOKEN.>>YEAH, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN
“SCHINDLER’S LIST!”>>Trevor: WOW! I BET THE CROWD WAS REALLY
OFFENDED AT THAT.>>NO, NO, NO. TRUMP IS A MEMBER OF THE TRIBE. WE’RE ALLOWED TO CRACK JOKES
LIKE THAT AMONG STAR PEOPLE.>>Trevor: WAIT, TRUMP ISN’T
JEWISH, THOUGH?>>OF COURSE, HE IS. THERE’S PLENTY OF EVIDENCE. LOOK HOW HE PUTS HIS NAME ON
EVERYTHING. PEOPLE THINK THAT HE HAS A BIG
EGO. WRONG. THAT IS A HABIT JEWISH FAMILIES
HAVE FROM SENDING THEIR KID TO SUMMER CAMPS. HIS MOTHER WROTE IT ON ALL THE
BUILDINGS FOR HIM. “DONALD, YOU’RE GOING TO LOSE
YOUR BUILDING IF YOU DON’T PUT YOUR NAME ON IT!”>>Trevor: THAT’S RIDICULOUS. THAT DOESN’T PROVE TRUMP IS
JEWISH.>>TREVOR, LET ME PUT IT THIS
WAY. THE MAN’S CAM WAS ONLY SUPPOSED
TO LAST ONE MONTH AND BY SOME

Danny Hutson

5 thoughts on “Awkward Moments From the Republican Jewish Coalition Forum: The Daily Show

  1. Please don't vote for Lindsey Graham! They're using Jewish people just like they used Hispanics to win their votes.

  2. This is what happens when your country's foreign policy is the second coming and your history book is an evangelical bible.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *